Monday, September 12, 2011

the real deal

Welcome to the HAPPY TAI SHOW!! ...yeah. I have been avoiding posting lately. Why? Because I like my bloggity blog to be happy, fun, inspirational and nerdy. And lately? I havent been feeling it. So now? I come clean. time to confess...

the good. the bad. the bummers.

The good:

Little started Kindergarten and he loves loves loves it.

and it is fall. not technically but yeah. i am calling it fall because honestly, i am ready to put this summer behind me.


little pants started preschool! she is AWESOME and loves it! (dont look at her hair. I was so sick on her first day I could barely hold my head up. I managed these pony tails with a 102 fever)


And she is a ballerina now. just ask her.



We went on vacation. Our favorite spot in the smokey mountains. It was heaven.



The Bad (no pictures of the bad):

 
I have the plague. Not really. But I aint good at being sick and I felt gross lately. I am over it. I made a new formula for it:

stress + allergies + bleh = plague.

The Bummer:

My hubby? He lost his job due to downsizing. It has been 7 weeks. I hate broadcasting it like this but I am asking that you pray for him to find work soon. He is really ready to go back. Plus the severance is up ...so...you know. pray please

And worse? My daddy is being deployed to Afghanistan. He is in training now and will be gone in a few weeks. So prayers for him too. And us. Especially my big boy. He is really going to miss his Pop Pop.

Yes this is my dad (now you know I got the geek honest):


MY major problem.

Kindergarten.

Yes, I posted it in the good section. It is great for him. He loves it. He was ready. Me? not so much. I am a mess. It isnt because of the obvious cliche reasons either. I am not sad he is growing up, going to school and being awesome. Did it go fast? Yes. But that doesnt get to me.

It is a ME problem. I am allowed right? Sometimes I am allowed to make it all about me right? I am? I think the right word is grieving. I am grieving for the time I lost with him, with both of them, that I cannot get back. I work full time. I dont have a horrible job. I work for a good company with good benefits. But I dont want to. I dont want to go off to work everyday and leave them. I hate that. I have always wanted to be a SAHM and it just hasnt happened for us yet. I could go on about this for a while but that is about all I can stomach to write down. The hurt is deep. I have not had a choice but to work. I work very hard and I am passionate about my work. I always try to do my very best while I am there. I know that God wants me to do that. And I will keep on waiting. I wont quit hoping and praying to stay home. I cant give up my dream. so yeah. That is it. That has been my issue since preschool graduation in the spring. I am a mess inside.

But dont worry! Cause tomorrow we are back to the happy. the awesome and the rocking like fraggles. I wont bring it down for a while. promise. Thanks so much for listening. I feel so much better now that I wrote it out. Even if it isnt the whole story. Love you all.

Look at my precious! When did he get so big?



2 comments:

Lizzy said...

Tai, writing things down really does make things so much better.

Sorry for the crap... praying for the dream. Believing. It will come true, no matter how down you are, you still serve others around you, and strive to help as many as you can (which at least to me is inspiring).

I know disappointment has been your life as of late. The only thing you can do is cry out to the one who made you rock it out like the fraggles . . . God, and just let HIM be enough.
Despite the sadness stealing the joy, the light ... I know you see it, even though ... the things around you should make ya feel like it is closing in on you . . .you are admitting and confessing... HEY this world and anything thrown at me will NOT bring me down. So lady, yay, AWESOME! I am so happy you are able to do that! I love ya Tai. I hope you have a week that turns all those . . . hurts into a joy!

I am honestly so happy for you that you were able to admit it. That is a huge thing to do, but when it is the right thing to do it is so relieving and good things will arise from it!

Praying for your hubster. I do not know where, I do not know when, BUT, I as you know, the timing will be perfect, for the Perfect job God has for him, well, for your family!

Hey and just because I know it does take a lot of guts to post your deepest thoughts... {hugs}

Kim@todayismysome-day said...

Tai, Just wanted you to know that I will be praying for your hubby's job situation. And as a SAHM, just let me say that I too struggle with lots of regret over time gone by too fast with my 2 children. They are now 6 and 11, and I have tremendous guilt over all that I didn't do with them or for them. And now, it seems too late... But, I know that is a lie. It is unhealthy guilt that would like to bring us down. I am believing God will redeem the time we have lost (or even in my case- squandered). He is good and loving and wants to meet our deepest needs and desires. <3 Kim

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